Sometimes I don’t sleep well. For whatever reason, my mind wants to work. So I sleep heavily in fits and starts until eventually I’m ready to just get out of bed, usually about three hours before my alarm is set. When I give into whatever that need is inside of me that needs to be awake in that quiet, early morning darkness, it is always a gift. It usually leads to good, strong coffee, reading, writing, and gentle music. This early morning has been a time for me to face the pieces of myself that I have been neglecting in the hubbub of being in a new place with new work and new things to learn. I’ve found myself pushing for an idea of success. While I am sure it is in reaction to all of the newness and the insecurities that rise up in these types of situations, it’s still there. I still need to acknowledge and face it. I’ve attempted to deal with my insecurities with busyness. There’s plenty to do, sure, but it has been used to mask the real things lying underneath. The feelings and emotions of saying goodbye to a beloved community that continue to wrestle within me. The fear of failure that reaches out to strangle away the very real call that has led me here. These two things alone are enough to hijack my day. And a little voice has persisted through it. That breath of wisdom whispering to me what I need – quiet, prayer, centering, music, singing, and writing. I have been given the gift of Sabbath even in the midst of restlessness. And I begin my day with gratitude.
How have you experienced sabbath in the midst of restlessness lately?